FEELING VULNERABLE - IN A GOOD WAY

Along with a number of other women of my church, I’m studying Beth Moore’s series on the New Testament book of James.  It has been my assignment to do the weekly homework and then write a summary of the daily readings as a guide for small group discussions.  If you have ever done any teaching then you know, the discipline and study that goes along with preparation causes the teacher to learn more than the students. And in the case of Bible study, to be challenged as well to apply the learning to life, as an example to those who follow.

Last week we were in chapter one of James.  I’ve read the book before, but the wonderful thing about the Bible is that something “old”, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, is always being made “new” in the heart and mind of the believer.  Proof that God’s Word is LIVING, and ACTIVE, even now.

When I read James, chapter 1, I was struck afresh by two things he said.  The first was this:

James 1:5

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all, without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

I’m frequently amazed, although I shouldn’t be, at the way God’s Word speaks directly to my heart and my situation when my heart is open to listening to His Spirit. 

My husband and I have been talking about moving to Florida when our granddaughter (who currently lives with us, along with our daughter and son in law) finishes high school and is off to college, in just a year and a half. 

A move to Florida makes perfect sense from a financial perspective.  Now that Jim is retired and we are living on his pension and part of our Social Security benefits, a move out of the pricey northeast would save us $10,000 a year in property taxes on our home.

A move to Florida would also mean sunnier skies and the absence of snow, especially appealing after this long, cold and snowy winter.  We are feeling the cold more as we get older, and shoveling out our long and wide driveway, to say nothing of driving on slippery roads or navigating icy sidewalks, would not be missed by either of us!

The truth is though that I’ve been struggling with the idea of a move.  My daughter pointed out to me that all I seem to see when I think of moving to Florida is loss - the loss of my church home and family, my longtime friends, the change of seasons, all that’s familiar and comfortable. 

My vision is also clouded by all the “what ifs”.  What if we go and something happens to Jim and I find myself alone with no support system?  What if I can’t deal with all that heat?  I’ve never made friends easily.  What if I don’t make any good friends? 

It took looking at James 1:5 with fresh eyes to remember.  If I need wisdom – and I certainly do – all I have to do is ask the Lord for it - and then I wait. 

I’ve been talking to the Lord about all this, but not in faith, rather in anxiety and fear, as if He has no idea of what I’ve been thinking.  Suddenly the words of James broke through.  I do need wisdom, but I don’t need it immediately for a move that won’t take place for another year or more.  So it’s time to relax and trust the Lord to give me the wisdom – generously, as James says – and in plenty of time to help us make a decision.

I don’t like making any big changes based solely on what seems reasonable. That is the way the world thinks. I want to know the Lord is in the decision making. I prefer to wait on Him and His affirmation before taking such a big step, and so I’m asking Him to give me confirmation of His will for us, because it’s what I need to move forward.  He’s always done this for me and I fully expect Him to do it again.  But not necessarily YET.  I really needed James’ reminder that God WILL provide His wisdom – generously.

Something else happened this weekend that did two things – drive home another lesson from James – and give me some affirmation that it just might be the right time for a move to Florida.

In chapter 1, verses 9-11 James contrasts the rich and the poor.  The questions Beth Moore focused on for that part of the study dealt with God’s attitude toward the poor and the attitudes we Christians should have toward them.  Not really knowing anyone I would consider poor, I thought about my attitude toward the poor for about 5 seconds, and then forgot about whatever my response should be as a believer in Jesus.  Until Friday night.

On Friday night I had plans with my daughter and her friend and her mom, to go into New York City to an opera.  None of us had ever been to the opera (it was on my bucket list) but I’d always wanted to go.  My birthday is this week, so the opera was an early birthday present from my husband.  Because my daughter works for the Columbia University College of Dentistry, she was already in the city and had her car, so it was decided I’d take a bus and meet her there.

I very, very rarely go into New York City even though we only live about a half hour away in the suburbs of New Jersey.  When I do go, I always go with my husband or my daughter and we usually drive and park in the city.  So going alone, and taking public transportation made me a bit anxious, but it was also a much needed wake up call.

Lots of people take public transit and not all of them are impoverished.  Many live in urban areas where parking is difficult, and public transportation, by bus or train or taxi, is easily available and preferred.  But some who do, do so because they can’t afford things like cars, insurance for them, and the gas it takes to fill them.  They are not necessarily impoverished either, they just don’t have money for those luxury items, or choose not to use what they do have in that way. 

Taking public transportation – buses and subways – helped me see what I’m blind to living out here in the suburbs.  An entire population of people who are NOT like me live out there in the world.  Some are just barely managing the bus fare and become panicky when they think they’ve misplaced a precious dollar that will get them from here to there (I saw that on the bus ride to the city).  Young and old, rich and poor, sick and well, all nationalities and languages can be found on public transportation. It was good to remember that there is a vast, rich, and diverse world out there of which I am often unaware.  I needed to remember to leave my judgmental attitude at home in the burbs, see what God sees, and be compassionate and caring.

That wasn’t all I learned through that trip into the city.  I think the Lord also used it to begin the process of helping me to see that my slowing down time is coming.  I have been fighting growing older for a long time.  I dye my hair, I try not to look too closely at the abundant wrinkles on my face and arms (ick!), I think of myself as a youthful 67.  But for some reason, that trek into the city brought the reality of aging closer to home.  I came away from it feeling vulnerable in many ways.  There was the vulnerability I felt at reaching my current age with very little awareness of people “out there” who are not like me.  I didn’t like the way that made me feel and I suspect the Lord will have some more to say to me about this in the days ahead.  Maybe even some kingdom work to do to put His compassion into action.

Some of the vulnerability came from navigating into the city alone and in an unfamiliar way to an unfamiliar place.  Some of it came from walking many blocks on sidewalks still clogged with remnants of last week’s snow and ice.  Every time I crossed a street through slush and ice I worried that I might fall. 

I had borrowed my daughter’s boots and felt they didn’t give me good traction.  My balance was off, so weaving through the crowds on streets and on the floor of the opera house for the first time made me feel old and disoriented.  It was not a good feeling.

In the end, the feeling of vulnerability just might be phase one of the Lord’s plan to get me ready for a move to a less populated state and to a climate where it never snows. 

I was thinking this weekend that maybe I’d send out a message to my friends telling them about my feelings of vulnerability and asking for some encouragement.  That would certainly be nice, but whether or not anyone else ever gave me encouragement, God does.  Feeling vulnerable is not necessarily a bad thing.  It’s just one of the ways in which the Lord reveals Himself to be Himself – a God who loves the poor and the different, a God who is faithful, Who gives wisdom, Who cares for all of His children – as well as for those who don’t acknowledge Him.  He wants them to know Him too.

Although James’s words, and my experiences this week left me feeling vulnerable, and aware of the aging process – I do thank you Lord for all the ways in which you break into my consciousness, applying your truth and showing your love.  Feeling vulnerable is ALWAYS a good thing when it drives me to You and helps me see things the way you do. 

SO MAYBE I WILL MAKE JUST ONE RESOLUTION!

 

As usual, one of my biggest laments every single year, is the inconsistency of my Bible reading and study.  I KNOW that consistently being in God’s Word is the thing that keeps me close to Him, attentive to His “voice”, and sensing His presence and activity in my life and the world around me.  However, like every other good thing, I have such a hard time actually DOING it! 

My wonderful husband gave me the perfect gift this Christmas.  Sometime before the holiday I told him that for a donation to the ministry of Dr. David Jeremiah, we could get his study Bible and a yearly devotional. And he was listening! 

Just yesterday, on January 2, I found this quote by Dr. Jeremiah in the daily devotional reading:

Resolve in the New Year to be a gleaner of the Word of God, letting no morsel of truth go undigested.  In this way you will never go spiritually hungry.

I know about spiritual hunger.  It’s that empty feeling that sets into my soul when I allow too much busyness to crowd out time in God’s Word. At first I don’t notice much, but then the Lord starts to seem awfully far away, His voice is silent, and I find myself moving through my days without giving Him a single thought.  Terrible to admit, but true.

It’s not that I don’t have time.  Do you know what I DID do this year?  In January of 2013, I set a goal for myself to read 40 books, 15 of them non-fiction. I felt a huge sense of satisfaction to surpass it this year.  If I have time for all those other books, how can I be so inconsistent in reading God’s book?

Before I even read Dr. Jeremiah’s quote I had given thought to doing things differently in this New Year.  I thought that if I could challenge myself to read ordinary books, maybe I could challenge myself to read the Bible more faithfully as well.

When I read a book of the Bible, or even a daily reading, I always note the date in the margin. So I went through my Bible, noting the day on which I last began reading a particular book.   I made a list of the books I hadn’t read in a long time.  I ended up with six Old and six New Testament books on that list.  So, in my journal, on the first page of each month I’ll post that list and I’ll work myself through those 12 books in addition to my usual reading challenge.

Another thing I’m challenging myself to do is to take notes in a document on my computer.  I summarize the chapter I’m reading, look for attributes of God and list them, writing down lessons for my own life that I see there, and challenge myself to apply them.

When I have done this sort of thing before (usually in a notebook), my own reading and study become “food” for feeding others in a Bible study at church or when I speak at a women’s group.  Pretty exciting stuff! 

My writing becomes a launch pad for prayer as well as I pray my way through what God reveals about Himself and how it applies to my life.  I also record my prayers for the people and situations the Lord has laid on my heart.

I’ve only been at this three days.  All church activities have been on hold because of the holidays, and we just had a snow storm, so not a lot is competing for my time.  The real test will be how consistent I remain when everything is going full speed ahead again!  But I’m going to try.

I’m going to try and be a better gleaner of the Word of God – not just picking the low hanging fruit – but reaching higher so that no morsel of truth goes undigested. 

I don't ever want to go hungry when the kind of food that truly feeds my soul is so readily available.

IT'S 2014! ARE YOU READY TO GO?

In last year’s New Year’s blog I mentioned how I try not to make resolutions because I hardly ever keep them.  My family and I were having a discussion about this the other day and decided, just for fun, to only make resolutions we knew we could keep.  So here are my resolutions for this year:

 I WILL put on weight.

I will continue to HATE exercise and avoid it when I can.

I will procrastinate about EVERYTHING – cleaning, making doctor’s appointments, throwing away old clothes, thinking about what to make for dinner, packing for trips, etc.  I will determine that every single one of them can wait until tomorrow (or the day – or month – after that), and I will instead read a good book and maybe take a nap.

I will make bad food choices.  I will continue to eat potato chips with lunch and sometimes I will wash them down with soda.  I will skip the salad and have dessert instead.  I will NOT watch my carbs, sugar or fats.  However, I WILL continue to feel guilty about all of these bad choices. 

Despite the warnings of my children, I will continue to act like the age I FEEL and not the age I AM, and do some wild and crazy things.  This year at least they can rest easy – I won’t be donating a kidney!

Seriously though, I love this time of year for a number of reasons. One of them is winter itself.  As I write this (on January 2), the view outside my window is spectacular, beautiful sunshine reflecting off the snow which fell during the night. Being of a “certain age”, my body thermostat tends to run on “hot”, so I have also become a lover of winter’s cold.  Winter’s beauty brings me joy. 

Another reason I love this time of year is that it is the perfect time to reflect.  I love to spend time during this first week of January reviewing my monthly journals from 2013 to see what the Lord was up to in my life.  If you’ve been reading my blogs this past year then you know that the highlight of the year came in August when I donated a kidney to Jennifer, a woman from my church.  The months before that memorable day were filled with tests of every sort – blood work, kidney function, heart health, and a host of others – to be sure I was ready and able to part with a kidney.

I am still blown away that the great God of all the universe, Creator of all things, and lover of my soul opened this door of opportunity and led the way as I walked through it. He never left my side – or Jennifer’s  – but carried us along in perfect peace and did all things well.  The true testimony of His power, faithfulness and grace is Jennifer herself.  She has had NO signs of rejection at all and continues to live her life with joy, and strength.  2013 was a truly amazing year to reflect upon!

The New Year is not only a time to enjoy the beauty of winter and reflect on the year just past, it’s also a time to joyfully anticipate what might lie ahead.  As January dawns, I find myself wondering, “What WILL this new year hold”? 

 I don’t know the details, but this I do know, the Lord is ALWAYS at work and sometimes He asks me to work alongside Him in ways I never anticipated.  His ways are SO much wilder and crazier, so much more amazing and satisfying, so awesome, that I could never in a million years have thought of them myself! 

In yesterday’ reading of Oswald Chamber’s, My Utmost for His Highest, he first quotes the New Testament book of Hebrews 11, verse 8, which speaks of Abraham:

“He went out, not knowing where he was going.” 

And then he says this:

“Have you ever ‘gone out’ in this way?  If so, there is no logical answer possible when anyone asks you what you are doing.  One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, “What do you expect to do?”  You don’t know what you are going to do.  The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing.  Are you willing to ‘go out’ in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely?  It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don’t know what God is going to do next.”

Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you ‘go out’ in complete surrender to Him, until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?”

When the Lord put it on my heart back in 2011 to pursue the possibility of donating a kidney to someone I barely knew it seemed the most illogical thing EVER.  But what an adventure to follow the Lord in it!

In this New Year, 2014, I will resolve not to make my own plans, because truthfully, I don’t know what I am going to do.  I do however, know that God knows what He is going to do, and He just might want me to do it with Him. 

So until I hear His, “Come on, Dot, let’s go!”, I’m going to stay in constant wonder, and eager expectation about what the Lord is going to do next – and I’m going to be ready to go when He calls! 

How about you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

IS "CAN'T GET NO SATISFACTION" YOUR THEME SONG?

I’ve never been a big fan of the Rolling Stones, although they were certainly a band of renown in my generation, and they still are well known.  I hadn’t thought about them in years, but our pastor mentioned them in yesterday’s sermon.  Maybe you remember their song, “Can’t Get No Satisfaction”. 

I wonder, could that be YOUR theme song? 

Maybe you find yourself getting up early and going to bed late so you can provide for your family and keep up with all the things that family’s need done – like cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, taking time for husband or wife, dishes, laundry, car service for busy kids. . . . . and on and on.  You go to sleep exhausted and get up the same way.  And you do this 50 weeks a year, if you’re lucky enough to get a vacation.  Yet, despite all the activity and stress, you find you still have more month at the end of your money, as well as a deep sense of “Is this all there is?”. 

Or maybe you are one of the few who have been blessed with abundance.  You work too, but you have plenty of money left at the end of your month for things like fancy vacations, private schooling for your kids, a cleaning service for your house, and a host of other perks – and yet you still find yourself singing along with Mick Jagger, “Can’t Get No Satisfaction”. 

When we sense a lack of satisfaction in life as it is, we begin looking around for it.  We think, “Maybe a new job (a new marriage, a new house) will help.”  So we change jobs, divorce our spouse, move to another city – and find satisfaction hasn’t followed us there.

So we go back to school for another degree, have a baby, change hair color, buy a new wardrobe, smoke pot.  But still it remains, the emptiness inside that signals a lack of satisfaction deep within the soul.  “Can’t Get No Satisfaction” – no where, no how.

Sound familiar? 

If that’s you, you are not alone, and your problem isn’t new either. The Old Testament prophet Isaiah, who lived hundreds of years before Christ, was talking to those in his day who also found themselves singing Mick Jagger’s tune.

In chapter 55 of Isaiah’s book he says: 

Why spend money on what is not bread and your labor on what does not satisfy? 

Good question. 

I’ve heard the following quote attributed to a variety of different people, including Voltaire.  Seems appropriate here:

The definition of insanity:  doing the same thing in the same way and expecting different results.

Why do we spend our money, and labor, day after day, year after year, on things that do not satisfy?  It’s insanity.

What if someone told you that deep satisfaction, the kind that fills your soul and makes it FAT, just might not be all that elusive?  Would you want to hear more?  Isaiah has it!  He says:

“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!  Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.  Listen, listen to me and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.  Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live.”

Could it be that your unquenchable thirst for “something” more, for the satisfaction that eludes you, is a thirst only God can quench?

I believe it was St. Augustine who said:

“In the heart of every man (and woman), there is a God shaped vacuum

only He can fill.”

Did you know that God made you for relationship with Himself?  Could it be that He is the missing link to your satisfaction?  St. Augustine thought so. 

This relationship with the One who made you, the One who CAN satisfy, costs you NOTHING.  It is, as Isaiah says, “without cost”.  You can’t earn it, you don’t deserve it, but God offers it anyway – a FREE gift of His grace.  Who doesn’t want a FREE gift?

The gift that comes to YOU for free cost to God His very best – the cost was the life of His Son Jesus. 

Could it be that THIS is the source of satisfaction that has eluded you all your life?  Could it be that a relationship with Jesus is the one place you have not looked for satisfaction?  If so, then you don’t know what you’re missing!

Isaiah says: listen to me – take this message to heart.

Eat what is good – take this truth into yourself as you would with the richest of food – and your soul will delight.

Give ear, and COME to Jesus.  It is in hearing Him and believing in Him that your soul will live and find it’s truest satisfaction.  Nothing else – no degree, no relationship, no bank account, no material blessing, no position, no power – nothing else will satisfy your soul the way Jesus will.

Are you listening?  Will you come? 

You know, it’s the only way to get that Mick Jagger tune out of your head!

Yes, there IS satisfaction, deep in the soul satisfaction, and it lies in Jesus alone.

MY CHANGING VIEW OF CHRISTMAS

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday.  Since I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, when I was a young child, Christmas for me was all about Santa.  The anticipation of Christmas centered around when Santa would come, and what he would bring me, and not much else.

As I got older, Christmas meant different things, like the anticipation of company for dinner, and the foods we would eat that we only ate at Christmastime.  It included the excitement of going into New York City with my brother and my dad on Christmas Eve.  Mom had to work, so early in the morning the three of us would board a bus and head for the city. Before we did anything else, we’d stop at the Horn and Hardart cafeteria on 42^nd street and have breakfast.  That was always a fun experience all by itself.

My dad always received his Christmas bonus the day before Christmas Eve, so in addition to simply going into the city, we always had the anticipation of some special treat Dad would buy us with his bonus.  One year we went to Radio City, another year we went on a shopping spree at Macy’s where I picked out a camel coat with a fake fur collar. 

When Jim and I were first married, Christmas became about buying presents for each other, and others in the family.  However, not long before our first daughter Amy arrived, we became believers in Jesus, and Christmas took on a whole new meaning.

Now Christmas was about Jesus, the gift God gave US.  Of course Jim and I still gave each other gifts, and we also had gifts for our girls, but we also tried to center the celebration around the coming of Jesus.  On Christmas Eve we read the Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke and we each took a part – dressing in costumes and all, and acted it out as we read it.  Jim, the only man among us, was usually Joseph.  But I have photos from various years when the girls and I played angels or Mary.  We always had a cake with candles so that we could sing Jesus the Happy Birthday song to celebrate the evening of His birth.  Church was also  an important part of our Christmas celebration. 

With no small children at home now, and only grown children to shop for, Christmas is still about Jesus, even though there is no family Christmas drama to be enacted from the Gospel of Luke, and no birthday cake for Jesus.  We still go to Christmas Eve services and we go again on Christmas day, if it falls on a Sunday.

But we have scaled down our shopping.  At least part of the reason for this is that having working in several retail stores over the years, I’ve become jaded about the whole retail thing. The store owners really don’t care about making our Christmas one our loved ones will never forget, they’re really just about selling “stuff”.

I’m mentally overloaded by a bombardment of November and December commercials that play on my supposed need to buy this or that thing, some “must have” for which my family members will love me.  Before it even begins, I’m tired of the frenzied rushing most people engage in in this season of “shop till you drop”.   Isn’t this supposed to be the season of “Peace on Earth”?  But most of all I’m sad about the absence of the sacred in a holiday season the existence of which centers around the sacred - the birth of Jesus.

Like a tornado that sucks everything into its path, the craziness of the season can whip me into a frenzy too, making it so hard to focus on Jesus and the blessedness of His coming.  That is the TRUE meaning of Christmas after all.

So every year I try to stave off the craziness by doing the very same thing.  I get out my copy of a book called, “O Come All Ye Faithful,” and read it devotionally.  From the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas arrives, I can be found in some quiet room in our house, spending a portion of every day, reading the book and worshipping Jesus. 

The title gives a hint that the focus of “O Come All Ye Faithful” centers around the sacred music of the season.  For each carol there is a page that includes the words of all the verses.  Then there is a devotional for each, as well as some background on the author of the music and the words, written by Joni Eareckson Tada, John MacArthur, and Robert or Bobbie Wolgemuth.  I never tire of reading this lovely book because it immerses me in the true meaning of the Christmas season. 

One of my favorite carols is not the most familiar by any stretch, probably because of its somber tone, but its words bring me right into the presence of the Lord.

It’s called, “Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence”.   Joni Eareckson Tada, in writing her comments for this carol, speaks of the importance of silence in which to contemplate the Christmas season.  For the month of December, she tries to keep her calendar clear of busyness, and gives this advice to those who also feel the tug of busyness:

“Stop, look, listen, and be still before the Lord.  When you discover yourself becoming dulled to the joys of this season, stop.  Slow down the pace.  Make moments when you just look and listen. . . . Stop the chatter and clatter.  Jesus has entered history.”

That’s exactly what I do when I read through the words of this, my favorite carol. I slow down, listen and be still before the Lord.  There is too much of the sacred in the season to let busyness and noise crowd out the news:  Jesus has entered history.  Let all mortal flesh keep silence.

 

“Let all mortal flesh keep silence, and with fear and trembling stand;

Ponder nothing earthly minded, but with blessing in His hand,

Christ our God to earth descendeth, our full homage to demand.”

It is in silence, not in busyness, not in the frenzy of shopping, that I want to spend the season leading up to Christmas.  It is in silence that I want to contemplate the awesomeness of Christ’s coming. I want to set aside the things of earth that normally occupy my mind, and lose myself in worship.

 

“King of kings, yet born of Mary, as of old on earth He stood,

Lord of lords, in human vesture, in the body and the blood,

He will give to all the faithful his own self for heavenly food.”

It is in silence that I want to contemplate the journey of Jesus from the cradle to the cross.  It is in silence I want to remember and worship the mighty King of kings and Lord of lords – the One who came in bodily form, as a humble baby in a manger – in order to die on a cross for me. 

 

“Rank on rank the host of heaven spreads its vanguard on the way,

As the Light of light descendeth from the realms of endless day,

That the pow’rs of hell may vanish as the darkness clears away.”

It is in silence that I want to contemplate the coming of Jesus, with an angelic army as His escort, to bring Him, the very Light of light, into a world darkened by sin.

 

“At his feet the six-winged seraph; cherubim, with sleepless eye,

Veil their faces to the presence, as with ceaseless voice they cry,

‘Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, Lord Most High!”

It is in silence that I want to contemplate the glory of Jesus – in worship, along with all the heavenly host who proclaim, “Alleluia, Lord Most High!”

 

Don’t let the Christmas season pass you by in a blur of busyness, hustle bustle, and noise.  When December arrives, guard your calendar and plan time to be quiet, to think, and to contemplate this awesome truth: 

“For God so loved the world that HE GAVE His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   John 3:16

THE JOURNEY THAT BEGINS WITH A SINGLE - SOLO - STEP

 

My husband Jim and I each grew up in church going families of two different Christian traditions.  While we lived at home with our parents we regularly attended church as a family.  But after we were married and could decide for ourselves what we would do with our lives, we stopped attending church.  God wasn’t on our radar. 

Sunday became a day on which we slept late, went out to breakfast, read the paper, and generally lazed around.  In the summer, maybe we’d drive to a park or to the beach and spend the day there.  Not only didn’t we attend church, but for more than 7 years, we never even sensed a need for God.  And then something changed.

I had begun working as a special education teacher right out of college.  I loved my teaching job and I loved the kids I taught, but over time I began to notice a restlessness.  I wasn’t as content as I had been, with my job, or my life. I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but at some point, instead of listening to music on the radio while I was driving to work, I began to listen to a Christian radio station.  I may not know how I began listening, but I know now that God was at work, wooing my heart!  

It’s so long ago now, that I have forgotten most of the details, but what I do remember is that over time the words of that radio preacher began to make sense.  The Gospel, which I had heard often growing up, gripped me as it never had before, and I eventually went from being indifferent about Jesus – to having a soul stirring longing to KNOW Him.  I recognize now that behind my discontent with life as it was, and a new longing for Jesus, was the Holy Spirit.  Finally, at the end of 1975, I could do nothing else but surrender my heart to Jesus. 

A couple of things changed immediately.  The first was that I was incredibly in love with, and excited to know Jesus, and the second was that I couldn’t get enough of reading the Bible.  Many times over the years growing up I had tried to read the Bible, beginning with Genesis, but I soon gave up, usually when I came to those genealogy lists!

Now though, it seemed as if I had never read it before.  Things began to jump out at me and make SENSE in a way they never had before. For the very first time I recognized that what I was reading was TRUTH!  I was flying high with the excitement every new believer experiences.

While I was on this new adventure of faith, poor Jim was scratching his head and wondering what had happened to his wife.  I began to talk to him about what I was learning – and believe me I talked about it A LOT!  He was gracious and kind but not especially interested himself. 

Since faith and church will always go together in my mind, as soon as I had embarked on this new relationship with Jesus, I began to think about returning to church.  I really wanted us to go together as a couple, but Jim was not ready.  I didn’t know what to do, so I made an appointment to talk to a pastor. 

The first thing he suggested was that I begin praying for Jim to come to Jesus too.  And then he encouraged me to plan to attend church, and then extend an invitation to Jim to come along – not with pressure tactics - but with a simple invitation, and to come whether or not Jim did.  He said maybe eventually Jim would also come.  So I did as he suggested.

Some months later, in mid-winter, Jim was working an audit in South Jersey when a snow storm hit.  He was on his way home when his car slid and hit a telephone pole.  The car was demolished, but Jim was unhurt.  Instead of coming home, he stayed the night in a hotel – and thought about what would have happened to him if he had died.  Dying apart from Jesus was not something he wanted to contemplate, and so there in his hotel room, he surrendered his life to Jesus as well.  And for the last 38 years Jim and I have walked with Jesus – together.

It occurred to me as I thought about Jim’s faith story and mine that what we Christians always want is for all of the people we care about: our spouses, children, grandchildren, neighbors, loved ones – all of them,  to have a relationship with Jesus.  But coming to faith in Jesus isn’t really a group activity.  It’s THE journey that begins with a single – but SOLO – step.

I was listening to a CD today of a sermon by Dr. David Jeremiah in which he said this:

God doesn’t have grandchildren. Just because you grew up in a Christian home with Christian parents doesn’t automatically make YOU a Christian.

My parents took me to church.  I went to Sunday school and youth group.  I heard the gospel of Jesus many times.  But when it came to knowing Jesus and walking with Him myself, I couldn’t rely on THEIR faith to save me from MY sin.  I had to come to the place ON MY OWN where I realized MY need for Jesus. 

Jim and I took our girls to church, we read the Bible with them, we prayed with them, we tried to be good Christian parents – but when it comes to Jesus – OUR faith cannot transfer to them automatically.  They have to come to faith in Jesus on THEIR own, each of them, individually.  Our granddaughter will have to come to it on HER own.  

Faith is a life-long journey of walking with Jesus, and it’s a journey we walk WITH Him and other believers – but that journey BEGINS with a single – but SOLO – step – the step of acknowledging that Jesus die for MY sins.  No one can take that step for me.  It’s a SOLO step.

I confess, when the Lord was working on my heart all those years ago, I wasn’t thinking about Jim.  I wasn’t thinking about what might happen if Jim didn’t also put his faith in Jesus.  All I knew was that Jesus was calling ME and I couldn’t say NO.  I wanted the forgiveness and the relationship He was offering.  Once I knew Jesus, I wanted Jim to know Him too, and so I talked with Jim about Him – but whether or not Jim believed in Jesus – I could not say no to His invitation to believe in Him.  Eventually, the Lord graciously drew Jim as well.

I can tell you honestly that I have never regretted for a single moment surrendering my life to Jesus.  He has been the joy of my life.  He has comforted me through trials (and there have been many), He has invited me on some pretty amazing faith adventures, and one day I’ll SEE Him and be WITH Him forever.  That will be bliss!

If your heart is warmed as you think about Jesus, then that is the Holy Spirit,  speaking to YOU.  Don’t hesitate to take the step of faith in Jesus that will set you on a journey you will never regret.  Don’t worry about whether your loved ones will journey with you.  Jesus has them well in hand and that first step is theirs to take.

THE AROMA OF CHRIST

As I’ve written before, I finished training this past spring to be a hospice volunteer.  Unexpectedly, the Lord laid this on my heart at church when I saw the flyer announcing the training sessions.  Having had two positive experiences of my own of caring for people at the end of their lives, I thought this was a perfect opportunity to bring the light of Jesus into the lives of people so close to the end of theirs.

This week I was given an assignment to visit a gentlemen living in a nearby nursing home.  I didn’t know what to expect.  When I arrived, I met a quiet, unassuming man, and my heart went out to him.  Physically, apart from being thin, he simply looked like an aging man, but an attempt at conversation made his mental confusion obvious.  So we simply walked together through the halls.  I asked questions.  Sometimes he gave answers. 

I sat with him for lunch in a room filled with other men and women in various stages of dementia.  It was not quiet.  Music was playing in the background, but above the quiet melodies, agitated voices reigned, as residents loudly expressed their need to just be somewhere else.  My new friend seemed oblivious. 

As I looked around that room I wondered what, if anything, was being accomplished in my “work” as a hospice volunteer, if I couldn’t verbally communicate the comfort of Jesus to those with whom I visited.  I’m not sure if I can completely answer that yet, but I am thinking, and talking with the Lord about it.  As I thought, this came to me:

I have always loved the word picture the Bible uses in describing believers in Jesus as “the aroma of Christ”. 

“For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.”

2 Corinthians 2:13

One of the things I noticed yesterday was that nursing homes have an aroma – and it’s not necessarily pleasant.  But the aroma of Jesus IS.  His aroma identifies us to the Father as one of His own.  His aroma speaks of His love, patience, kindness, and compassion – expressions of a heart that sees the effects of sin and impending death on the bodies of these elderly folks, and weeps.  It was never meant to be this way. 

I might speak about this Jesus whom I love and who loves them – but what if they cannot grasp the message?  Well, then I can still be the sweet “smell” of Jesus to them, and to the staff, and to the other patients, and maybe even family members, while I’m there.  I can be kind, and pleasant, and loving, just as Jesus would.  I can speak words of encouragement to those who care for these patients every day.

In contrast to that visit, yesterday I entertained three young Japanese women for breakfast at my home.  I’m teaching them English.  Preparing for their arrival, my home was filled with the aromas of food in the oven and scented candles. We had SUCH a great time visiting and talking and laughing about all sorts of things.

I hope one day to talk to them about Jesus too, but right now I’m discovering that I need to be content to simply be “the aroma of Christ” to them as well, until the time comes when my words can be understood. 

When I’m in the presence of others – those who know Jesus and those who don’t – I don’t want them to remember the scent of my perfume, or the aromas of food cooking or scented candles – I want the aroma of Jesus to be what lingers in their hearts.

The holiday season is coming and all around us live those who don’t know our Jesus.  How can we be “the aroma of Christ” to them this season – even if we can’t YET speak to them about Him?