GOD HAS SET THE LONELY IN FAMILIES

When we moved to Florida back in September I knew that one of the things I would miss most would be friends.  In addition to many women at my church with whom I had friendships, prayer partnerships, ministry partnerships, and mentoring/discipling relationships, I had a network of other women I would meet occasionally as well.  

 

I had former Bible Study Fellowship friends who’s friendships went back more than 10 years, friends from other churches we had attended, Japanese and Korean, English as a Second Language students, and a slew of women with whom I attended the same retreat every May – it’s the only time I ever saw them – but I surely considered them friends.  A year or so ago, I even connected with my best friend from high school after 40 plus years.  

All of these rich and varied friendships enabled me to share my faith, and my life, and also enjoy what others shared with me about theirs.  Sometimes there were tears, nearly always there were laughs.  There were lots of coffee and lunch dates, prayer times, times with moms and their kids.  We met in my home, in their homes, at church, at Starbucks, at a diner, in a hospital room, at the library.  It was a hugely satisfying life of friendships.

I knew that when we got here it would take time to make new friends.  I’m not as shy as I used to be, but I’m still kind of quiet, so I expected it would take me longer than it might take more gregarious sorts.  Being well aware, at 69, that I have less life ahead of me than I’ve already lived, I really wanted to speed up the process.  So I talked to the Lord about it.  I’ve done my part by going about the business of being friendly here and have come to know many other women by name, and I’m so thankful for that.  With everyone transplanted from somewhere else in the States, and even in Canada, we are all anxious to meet others with whom we have something in common.

Not only did I want to make friends of all backgrounds, I also especially longed to make one or two Christian friends.  When I meet another Christian woman, we have an instant connection.  I know that if a confidence is shared, I can offer prayer, or it can be offered for me, without awkwardness.  That means a lot when life’s challenges are still happening but you’re not in close proximity to your previous women of faith support system.

So, between talking to the Lord about my desire for friends, and observing myself and others adjusting to living in a new place where we don’t know anyone, but want to, it shouldn’t have been a surprise when the Lord opened a door.  

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I was thrilled to discover that there was already a Bible study here at our community.  I’ve attended those sessions when I’ve been able and so a number of the women whose names I now know I met there.  When the leader discovered that I have also led Bible studies, she suggested I start one.  And I did.

We’ve met for two weeks now, just 3 or 4 of us, but it has been a true blessing.  What I discovered is that all of us women are challenged by our moves.  We all miss friends, churches, long time relationships we had elsewhere.  We sometimes wonder whether moving was a good decision.  And we’re lonely for relationships with other women.

There is a verse in the Bible that I’ve always loved.  It’s from Psalm 68, verse 6:

“God sets the lonely in families”

We who belong to Jesus by faith are part of the family of God.  We are not lonely when we find others who belong to Him as well, and we share fellowship together.  In just two weeks, we women have let down our guard, shared the joys and burdens of our hearts, and experienced the sweet fellowship of Jesus as we study His Word and then pray together.  

I’m thanking the Lord for putting us lonely women into His family, for bringing us together, for speeding up the process of making friends, for enabling us to share our faith – in the joys and sorrows of day to day living.  And I’m looking forward to all He has in store for us as we adjust to living in a new place.

My next step, I think, will be to invite my women neighbors to a coffee.  Who knows who else might be longing for the companionship of other women?

THE WAITING IS OVER, PART 1

So, maybe it was just last week, or the end of the one before, that I wrote the blog, Waiting: Sometimes Easy, Sometimes Hard.  I wrote that I was at the stage in life again where we had finally settled in here in our new home, but there was no ministry on the horizon.  Well, that situation has changed.

When we arrived here I discovered that there was a weekly women’s Bible study that met at the clubhouse every week.  I was SO happy!  The first thing I did was contact the woman who leads it so we could chat about our backgrounds, how she started the class, what they’re studying, and all the things I wanted to know before I attended my first class.  I’ve been going now for several weeks and have met some lovely women in the process.

Last week the leader called me and asked if she could come over for some fellowship.  I was thrilled!  Someone was actually asking to be my friend!  (A direct answer to another of my prayers, by the way!)  We had a lovely chat during which she asked me why I didn’t consider starting my own class.  I was thinking that it could happen one day, but since I don’t really know very many people yet, I wasn't thinking NOW.

Then she suggested that I might want to consider making myself available for a study during the next two weeks while she took a break.  She even sent out an e mail to the women who attend her class telling them I was available.  I had a number of women interested and we finally settled on a day and time which was convenient for some of them to attend.  

I just finished preparing the lesson for our study and am beside myself with excitement!  I LOVE teaching God’s Word and watching it, and Him, come alive in the hearts and minds of those who study.  And I LOVE watching God do the work of changing lives as a result.  Tuesday can’t come soon enough!

I can almost “hear” the Lord saying, “If I can do THIS, Dot, you can trust me for all the other things and people you have on your heart.”   

I believe, Lord.  Help my unbelief.

UNMASKED

Jim and I read a book recently entitled, A Scandalous Freedom by Steve Brown.  There are some interesting chapter headings, like: “The Gods We Worship. . and the God Who Sets Us Free”; “The Masks We Wear. . . and the Authenticity That Sets Us Free”.  I was especially struck by the latter.  

I often wear a mask. I hide things about myself because I worry that if my Christian brothers and sisters knew those things about me, they’d be horrified.  For example, I drink wine.  There, it’s out there.  I know all the usual arguments against Christians drinking wine, but I do it.  I never get drunk (I know what God says about drunkenness), but I like a glass of wine with dinner.  You have no idea how exhausting it is to keep that from others.  Whew!  It's not a secret anymore! You just might be wearing a mask yourself.

There’s something else I was being less than authentic about and preferring to hide.  When I wrote the blog, Waiting: Sometimes Easy, Sometimes Hard, I wasn’t entirely truthful.  As a Christian and someone who teaches the Bible, I wanted to end that blog on an up note, so I quoted some verses from Psalm 43, because I wanted to be “spiritual” like David who ended even his most gloomy, depressed, and hopeless sounding psalms with a word of praise.  I did it for the sake of my readers because I felt it was “expected”.  But truthfully, I wasn’t feeling it.

In spite of that, I determined that if I woke during the night worrying about my loved one, I was going to meditate on and pray through the words of the psalm:

Hope in God;

For I shall yet praise Him,

The help of my countenance and my God.”

Well, I did wake up.  I did try to pray, to focus my mind on God Himself, to remember the words of the psalmist: to hope, to believe that I will yet praise God, and that He would be the uplifter of my countenance.  You know what, I finally had to be honest with the Lord.  While I know He COULD answer my prayers for my loved one (MY prayers, mind you), I didn’t believe that He actually WOULD.  

If the wine drinking didn’t do it for you, this might be the time some of you might be shocked, or disappointed.  Maybe this knocks me down a few pegs on the pedestal you might have me on (I shouldn’t have been there anyway!).  Regardless of what you think, that is exactly how I felt.

I know why too.  I’ve been here before, years ago, as I mentioned in the blog.  I prayed and prayed through more than five long years, in an extremely scary situation, for the Lord to intervene in someone’s life. As I look back, I can see His hand of protection, His mercy and grace in that one’s life.  But there is so much longing in me for them to come to faith, to know the blessedness of knowing the Lord personally, to use all the gifts God has given them to serve Him and bless others.  I’ve waited a long time, yet it hasn’t happened.  Oh, it may still happen, I know, but waiting for it is so hard.

This time around, I’m praying the same prayers, wanting to see the activity of the Lord, and just seeing things get worse.  Lying awake that night I had to confess what the man who came to Jesus for the healing of his son confessed: “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!”  

I had to say, “I’m so sorry, Lord, for doubting You, but I’ve been here before.  I want so much for this one to come to You, to be on the path that leads to life, but You didn’t answer that prayer the last time I prayed it, and I’m not sure You’ll do it now.”  Perhaps some of you might think talking to God in this way is scandalous.  I think it was just truthful, and doesn’t the Lord know my heart anyway?

Do you know what happened?  Almost instantaneously, a HUGE weight was lifted from my shoulders that night.  It was as if the Lord said, “I know.  I know your fear.  I know your longing.  I know your doubt.  And it’s okay.  I still love you.”  

I was good with that. God still loves me - no matter how much I screw up, no matter that I have doubts, no matter that I sometimes question God’s ways, He still loves me.  How enormously freeing!  

And do you know what?  Today a few things have happened to given me reason to praise Him.  He is lifting up my countenance because things are happening in hearts and lives that are evidence of His work in answer to my prayers for the good of my loved one.  The Lord knows when we need that kind of encouragement and is kind and gracious to give it.

Okay, I’ve taken off two of my masks.  Now it’s your turn.

WAITING: SOMETIMES EXCITING, SOMETIMES HARD

Is there anyone out there who likes waiting?

Sometimes I find waiting isn’t hard. Like now. We’ve settled into our new life here in central Florida and now I’m anxious to find out what the Lord has in store for us here.

The last time I was in this place of waiting was after my mom died. I had resigned my position as a leader in a Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) class so that I could remain in Florida with mom. I knew she had only a short time remaining to live and I wanted to spend what days she had left with her. Weeks later, when I returned home, the question that occupied me was, “What now?”.

I had been in leadership in BSF for about 18 years, the last four as the teaching leader, pretty much a full time occupation. While involved in BSF I was unable to serve in my church due to the responsibilities of leadership and now I had the time for that. I wanted to continue serving the Lord as a Bible teacher, but as I looked around I didn’t see any opportunities to do so in my church. So I started praying, asking the Lord for wisdom and direction.

Sometime in the very early fall the chairman of our children’s commission at church made an announcement that teachers were needed for the Sunday school program. Though I was praying for an opportunity to teach, teaching children was not on my list of job specifications. Teaching women was more like what I had in mind. There was a women’s study at church but they already had a long time teacher who didn’t look as if she was going anywhere soon. After the man sat down I could feel the nudge of the Spirit so, even though I didn’t really want to teach children, I went up to him and told him I’d pray about it.

As I sat in my pew during the service the Holy Spirit spoke clearly. I knew I really didn’t have to pray about it. I had already been praying and was pretty convinced this was God’s answer! When the service ended I told that man that I would gladly teach Sunday school. That act of obedience was the beginning of what would be several years of getting to know and teach an amazing bunch of kids, beginning when they were just fourth and fifth graders.

I didn’t know at the time that I would have the blessing, as the years went on, of getting to know and love them as I later worked for two years with the senior high youth group and also taught middle school Sunday school. I graduated up with that original class and then also had many of their siblings. Knowing them and seeing them grow in faith was a joy. I still keep track of them on Facebook from down here in Florida. The Lord added to my blessing later when the woman teaching the women’s Bible class moved and I became a Bible teacher to the women of our church who attended that as well.

What a great ending to all that waiting and praying for opportunities to serve the Lord after BSF. Here I am again in that very place. I long to teach, I believe God has gifted me to teach, but at the moment I don’t see any opportunities on the horizon. This kind of waiting excites me because I know my days of serving the Lord in that way aren’t over yet. Waiting fills me with the thrill of anticipation as I wait and watch for His divine appointments. Appointments I know will come because He has been faithful to provide them in the past.

But there’s another kind of waiting I’m doing now as well. Waiting I don’t find easy or joyful at all. I’m waiting for the Lord to do a work in the life of someone I love. It’s as if I’m watching the lights of a train, blowing its whistle and coming closer, and my loved one isn’t doing much to help herself get out of the way. I wake during the night thinking of her. I can’t sleep. I try to pray, but my mind keeps coming back to the train. I find it hard to wait and trust God during these times. Maybe you do too.

I’ve been in other situations where I’ve asked the Lord to intervene, to wake my loved one up, to shake them into seeing the danger, hearing the noise of the train. Years have passed and I haven’t seen it happen yet. But that doesn't mean He hasn't been active. What I have seen is God’s hand, protecting, extending grace, preserving life, giving time. The Bible reminds me, it’s still the day of salvation. Or as my husband is fond of telling me, “It’s not over yet."

So I wait, endeavoring to walk by faith in the God I KNOW hears and answers prayer, who is faithful, who is able to do what seems to me to be impossible – when the waiting is filled with joyful anticipation, and when it seems to take forever.

It wasn't always easy for the writer of Psalm 43 either. When the waiting was hard, he said:

“Why are you cast down, O my soul?

And why are you disquieted within me?

Hope in God;

For I shall yet praise Him,

The help of my countenance and my God.”

I need to remember his words when waiting makes my spirit down and disquieted within me. Hope in God, Dot. There will yet be reason to praise Him.