WHAT NEXT?

The decision was made many years ago and at the time the “signs” seemed to be pointing to God’s open door, so we walked through it.  I can’t really talk about the details because it’s so emotional for me, but I can say that the decision wasn’t an immoral one, or one that I thought was outside God’s will at the time.  It didn’t seem foolish when we made it, rather it seemed providential!  Now, many years later, that same decision is causing me shame and embarrassment and I’m having a hard time trusting God’s sovereignty.

My daughter wisely said, “Mom, you’ve had cancer and donated a kidney and God got you through them both.  He’s got this!”  I know she’s right, but walking by faith in those times seem different, easier, somehow.  I’d like to face this situation with the same kind of absolute trust in God’s sovereignty that I had then. 

I had a dear BSF friend to whom I was describing a situation in my life at the time where I was asking God, “Why?”.  She told me I was asking the wrong question.  The one I should have been asking was, “What?”.   As in “What do You want to teach me through this, Lord?”   I think I already know the answer:  Trust me.  Walk by faith.  I really DO have this.

I need to believe that just as the Lord had all the details covered when we made the decision, He has them covered now.  I need to believe that just as He surprised us with a last minute revelation of His grace that blew us away THAT time, He can do it again this time. 

I need to stop thinking that this is all about ME and begin praying for others involved and for the glory of the Lord to be revealed – in me and my reactions – as well as in the circumstances. 

I need to remember that the Lord is firmly in the details of our future too.  His leading is evident in the change He wrought in my heart.  No one could have done that in me but Him.

Here’s a funny thing.  If, when I donated a kidney, things had gone wrong, there had been complications that left me incapacitated, I don’t think I would have doubted God’s sovereignty for a second.  I was that confident that He was leading and I was following His will. 

So now, the test is, although things are discouraging and even feel despairing, will I continue to trust that God is sovereign over this?   That He's GOT IT?  That is my heart’s desire.  Stay tuned because I think the Lord is up to something!