IS IT REALLY 45 YEARS???

It was my last year of college.  I had been casually dating this guy who was going to take me to my college prom.  He had also promised he’d find one of his friends to take one of mine.  However, just a short time before the event, we broke up.  It wasn’t a big deal for me, I could always just skip the prom, but my friend was counting on going and now she didn’t have a date either.  I felt awful.  So I began making phone calls to all the guys I knew asking if they could take my friend to the prom.  No takers.  It was then that my mom mentioned that she worked with a woman who had four sons.  So it was that I met Jim, my first and only blind date, when he and his younger brother Marty agreed to take my friend and me to the prom.

When they arrived to pick us up, I nearly died!  I thought Jim was the BEST looking guy I had ever seen!  He was also just finishing college at St. Peter’s in Jersey City.  Wow, how perfect!  I don’t remember a lot about that night except that Jim was quiet and I hoped he would call again. And he did!  So began our courtship.  By the fall of that year, I had started teaching in Secaucus and Jim had begun a two year stint with the Army, having been in ROTC in college.  So almost right out of the gate our romance had to be carried on long distance, as he was stationed first in Petersburg, Virginia and then at Ft. Bragg in North Carolina. 

Counting on absence making his heart grow fonder, I began “encouraging” him (read “nagging”) to think about getting married.  Before a year was up, we had become engaged, but Jim knew he had to serve a tour in Viet Nam before his service time was over and he was reluctant to marry beforehand.  A little more “encouragement” later, and we were making plans to marry before he left.  I think it’s funny how long people today plan so far in advance to get married because we had just 4 months to plan our wedding and needless to say, for us, it was memorable, although maybe not as elegant as some I’ve been to since.  And we were so much in love.

The morning after the wedding we drove back to his base in North Carolina and with the WORST possible timing, his orders for Viet Nam were waiting when he signed in.  I remember pulling up outside the apartment he had rented and having everyone around the pool stand and clap when they saw the, “Just Married” signs on our car.  We must have seemed so rude in our lack of response, but our spirits were at rock bottom. We would have about three months together before he would be sent to Viet Nam for what was initially to be a 12 month tour.

Many difficult months followed his departure as I was married, but with no husband in sight. Back then, before e mail and skype, all we had to rely on communication wise was letters and phone calls. The first two weeks were torture because I didn’t know where he was until his first letter arrived.  Letters seemed to take forever!  At times I would be awakened in the middle of the night to accept a MARS call, calls Jim made from Saigon, picked up by ham radio operators here in the states and then relayed to me.  They lasted all of 3 minutes and each time we had finished speaking we had to say “over”, plus the operators were always listening!  But those calls were precious, even at 3 AM!  There were also regular phone calls Jim made after standing in line forever on a day when he was off duty.  These were as long as you wanted to make them – before being threatened maybe by the next guy in line!  And those hour long calls cost a fortune!  What was so emotionally charged in THAT day is a sweet memory to me now.

With a two week surprise home leave in April, a 5 day R & R (rest & relaxation) in Honolulu for our first anniversary, and a two month cut of his service time, Jim was finally, permanently home in September of 1971.  We were so happy to be together again and final start our married life  – me in my second year of teaching, and him as an accountant with what was then Haskins & Sells, and is now Deloitte. 

What followed has been 45 years of ups and downs.  Job changes, home changes, children to raise, adult children to relate to, a granddaughter, retirement – and some tough years that were a huge strain on our marriage and family life.  I’m also surprised at how many young people who marry today give up so easily.  It wasn’t easy to stay committed to the “better or worse”, “sickness and health” aspects of our marriage vows, and at least once we may have wondered if we wanted to stick it out.  But we did, and I know we’re both thankful for the grace of God that enabled us. It's not easy to weather those times, but it is possible.

We were not believers in Jesus when we met and married, so I have to thank God for bringing us together before we even knew Him.  I married Jim because he was a nice guy, and incredibly good looking, and I was crazy about him, but if I met him today I’d marry him because he is a man of God, amazingly steadfast and faithful, and because we are the best of friends. 

Today is our 45^th wedding anniversary, and we are still in love, thanks to the grace of God.