IS IT REALLY 45 YEARS???

It was my last year of college.  I had been casually dating this guy who was going to take me to my college prom.  He had also promised he’d find one of his friends to take one of mine.  However, just a short time before the event, we broke up.  It wasn’t a big deal for me, I could always just skip the prom, but my friend was counting on going and now she didn’t have a date either.  I felt awful.  So I began making phone calls to all the guys I knew asking if they could take my friend to the prom.  No takers.  It was then that my mom mentioned that she worked with a woman who had four sons.  So it was that I met Jim, my first and only blind date, when he and his younger brother Marty agreed to take my friend and me to the prom.

When they arrived to pick us up, I nearly died!  I thought Jim was the BEST looking guy I had ever seen!  He was also just finishing college at St. Peter’s in Jersey City.  Wow, how perfect!  I don’t remember a lot about that night except that Jim was quiet and I hoped he would call again. And he did!  So began our courtship.  By the fall of that year, I had started teaching in Secaucus and Jim had begun a two year stint with the Army, having been in ROTC in college.  So almost right out of the gate our romance had to be carried on long distance, as he was stationed first in Petersburg, Virginia and then at Ft. Bragg in North Carolina. 

Counting on absence making his heart grow fonder, I began “encouraging” him (read “nagging”) to think about getting married.  Before a year was up, we had become engaged, but Jim knew he had to serve a tour in Viet Nam before his service time was over and he was reluctant to marry beforehand.  A little more “encouragement” later, and we were making plans to marry before he left.  I think it’s funny how long people today plan so far in advance to get married because we had just 4 months to plan our wedding and needless to say, for us, it was memorable, although maybe not as elegant as some I’ve been to since.  And we were so much in love.

The morning after the wedding we drove back to his base in North Carolina and with the WORST possible timing, his orders for Viet Nam were waiting when he signed in.  I remember pulling up outside the apartment he had rented and having everyone around the pool stand and clap when they saw the, “Just Married” signs on our car.  We must have seemed so rude in our lack of response, but our spirits were at rock bottom. We would have about three months together before he would be sent to Viet Nam for what was initially to be a 12 month tour.

Many difficult months followed his departure as I was married, but with no husband in sight. Back then, before e mail and skype, all we had to rely on communication wise was letters and phone calls. The first two weeks were torture because I didn’t know where he was until his first letter arrived.  Letters seemed to take forever!  At times I would be awakened in the middle of the night to accept a MARS call, calls Jim made from Saigon, picked up by ham radio operators here in the states and then relayed to me.  They lasted all of 3 minutes and each time we had finished speaking we had to say “over”, plus the operators were always listening!  But those calls were precious, even at 3 AM!  There were also regular phone calls Jim made after standing in line forever on a day when he was off duty.  These were as long as you wanted to make them – before being threatened maybe by the next guy in line!  And those hour long calls cost a fortune!  What was so emotionally charged in THAT day is a sweet memory to me now.

With a two week surprise home leave in April, a 5 day R & R (rest & relaxation) in Honolulu for our first anniversary, and a two month cut of his service time, Jim was finally, permanently home in September of 1971.  We were so happy to be together again and final start our married life  – me in my second year of teaching, and him as an accountant with what was then Haskins & Sells, and is now Deloitte. 

What followed has been 45 years of ups and downs.  Job changes, home changes, children to raise, adult children to relate to, a granddaughter, retirement – and some tough years that were a huge strain on our marriage and family life.  I’m also surprised at how many young people who marry today give up so easily.  It wasn’t easy to stay committed to the “better or worse”, “sickness and health” aspects of our marriage vows, and at least once we may have wondered if we wanted to stick it out.  But we did, and I know we’re both thankful for the grace of God that enabled us. It's not easy to weather those times, but it is possible.

We were not believers in Jesus when we met and married, so I have to thank God for bringing us together before we even knew Him.  I married Jim because he was a nice guy, and incredibly good looking, and I was crazy about him, but if I met him today I’d marry him because he is a man of God, amazingly steadfast and faithful, and because we are the best of friends. 

Today is our 45^th wedding anniversary, and we are still in love, thanks to the grace of God.

HOME

Lying in bed last night, when I was supposed to be sleeping, I was thinking about the blog my daughter Becky wrote.  Illustrated with photographs, she wrote about all the things in our house and yard that held fond memories for her.  She has already relocated to Florida with her family, while we remain behind to sell our home of 31 years, in the hope of relocating there ourselves, so she’s had a bit more time to contemplate the leaving side of things.

But now the work is done for us and we have put out the “for sale” sign.  We are selling a house, but this house has been so much more than a dwelling to us, this has been our home. 

We moved here when our girls were just turning four and six.  This is where they grew up.  In our yard they swung on the tire swing their grandpa had tied to a long tree branch.  They climbed our trees and, much to the dismay of our neighbors, our lilac bushes.  They cooled off in the plastic kiddie pool, played “tour guide” in the yard, explored what used to be a vacant woodland behind the house.  

At one time or another they spent time in just about every school playground in town.  They swam in the local swimming hole every summer day.  They made weekly trips to the library and participated in the summer reading program every year.  On our quiet cul-de-sac they’ve ridden bikes, played ball and badminton, thrown water balloons, had lemonade stands. 

On the 4^th of July we brought our breakfast to the swimming lake in town and ate while we watched the parade go by.  At Halloween, the girls went trick or treating and enjoyed especially nice treats from the neighbors.  At Christmas we caroled, and made loaves of bread to give as gifts.  We celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays – even April Fool’s Day!  We held open houses and invited all the neighbors. 

Our neighborhood has been a great one in which to live.  Some of our neighbors have lived here longer than we have and they have provided stability and a neighborliness it’s not so easy to find these days.  We have shared house keys, collected mail, fed and walked pets, helped plow snow, dig out a snowed in car, clean up after hurricanes, and generally kept an eye on things for one another.  Whenever Jim went outside on a short errand and disappeared for AGES, I knew I would find him in conversation with the guy next door.  

Since we have lived here we have been affiliated with three different churches.  Each one has been a blessing in its own right.  We have sat under awesome Bible teaching, given our children a good spiritual foundation, participated in Vacation Bible Schools, and Sunday school, and served the Lord in various capacities.  And we made many friends, brothers and sisters in Christ we run into all over the place from those three congregations.  What a blessing, and a little taste of heaven!

We have enjoyed wonderful memories here, and some not so wonderful memories as well, but they all contributed to making us the people, and the family that we are today.  This has been home, and it has been a good one at that. 

I am thankful for each and every one of these 31 years.

WHAT TO DO WHILE I WAIT

Jim was working the sound equipment at church this morning so we had to be there early.  When this happens and I’m not teaching Sunday school, I usually drop him off and then head to Panera for some coffee till it’s time for church.  I did that today, and when I did, I brought along my copy of, “Experiencing God”, by Henry T. Blakaby and Claude V. King, an oldie but a goodie.  More about that in a minute!

I can’t remember what it’s like not to serve the Lord through my church.  Since we have lived in this area we have been members of three different churches and in each one we were involved in some kind of ministry.  Jim has served as a deacon and as a financial officer, as he does now as treasurer of our current church.  I have always been involved either in teaching women, or teaching children, sometimes both at the same time.  And it has been glorious to serve the Lord in whatever capacity He has in mind.  So, one of the things I’m finding hard about waiting for the move to Florida is that it’s kind of a down time for me in terms of ministry and looks to be so for many months yet.

Now that is NOT a bad thing!  Summers, when teaching ministries are taking a break, I usually use the time to begin studying some book of the Bible just for the pure pleasure of study.  I love doing this because I just love seeing God in all His glory through His Word, but I also love doing it because the Lord has so often used what I studied personally to give me material for a teaching assignment that isn’t even on MY radar yet – although it’s certainly on His!  This summer, however, all this moving business has proved to be a huge distraction! 

I spend some quiet time with the Lord nearly every day, but my mind keeps wandering off to my long “to do” list (as it does in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping!).  When I’m not thinking about doing, I’m actually doing, and when I’m not actually doing, I’m exhausted from all the doing I’ve already done!  So it was a delight to sit in Panera’s with my coffee and a berry scone and just lose myself in “Experiencing God”.  I was rewarded with some reminders I really need to hear.

In this time of waiting on the Lord:

·       My focus needs to be on HIM – not on my “to do” list, the sale of a house, our future, the lack of ministry.

·       My focus needs to be on God’s greater purpose for this time of waiting 

·       Instead of asking, “When will this be over so we can move?”, I need to be asking, “How can I cooperate with You, Lord, to accomplish Your much bigger purposes”, while we wait and it’s a ministry down time.  God is still at work around me and He wants me to join Him in that work.  If my focus is on Him, He’ll be able to point it out.

·       I want things to move along quickly.  I want them to go smoothly.  I’m ashamed to say that it has never occurred to me that the Lord may have a purpose for me in these up and down days of waiting, beyond just, waiting.

Henry Blackaby reminded me that during this time I CAN still be active in the work of God.  It isn’t all about ME, MY SELF, MY HOUSE, MY FUTURE – it IS about God, and the work He’s still doing HERE that He just might want me to be part of.

Instead of worrying and fretting, or being distracted by the details, I can adjust my attitude and my life in anticipation of what He still up to around me, while we still live right here, in this house, on this block, in this town, in my church. . . . .

If all I do is focus on a house, a move, a future, I just might miss what the Lord wants to do right here, right now.  The Lord has all of that in hand.  My job at the moment?  Keep my eyes on Him and watch for His opportunities to join Him in His work.  

WHAT NEXT?

The decision was made many years ago and at the time the “signs” seemed to be pointing to God’s open door, so we walked through it.  I can’t really talk about the details because it’s so emotional for me, but I can say that the decision wasn’t an immoral one, or one that I thought was outside God’s will at the time.  It didn’t seem foolish when we made it, rather it seemed providential!  Now, many years later, that same decision is causing me shame and embarrassment and I’m having a hard time trusting God’s sovereignty.

My daughter wisely said, “Mom, you’ve had cancer and donated a kidney and God got you through them both.  He’s got this!”  I know she’s right, but walking by faith in those times seem different, easier, somehow.  I’d like to face this situation with the same kind of absolute trust in God’s sovereignty that I had then. 

I had a dear BSF friend to whom I was describing a situation in my life at the time where I was asking God, “Why?”.  She told me I was asking the wrong question.  The one I should have been asking was, “What?”.   As in “What do You want to teach me through this, Lord?”   I think I already know the answer:  Trust me.  Walk by faith.  I really DO have this.

I need to believe that just as the Lord had all the details covered when we made the decision, He has them covered now.  I need to believe that just as He surprised us with a last minute revelation of His grace that blew us away THAT time, He can do it again this time. 

I need to stop thinking that this is all about ME and begin praying for others involved and for the glory of the Lord to be revealed – in me and my reactions – as well as in the circumstances. 

I need to remember that the Lord is firmly in the details of our future too.  His leading is evident in the change He wrought in my heart.  No one could have done that in me but Him.

Here’s a funny thing.  If, when I donated a kidney, things had gone wrong, there had been complications that left me incapacitated, I don’t think I would have doubted God’s sovereignty for a second.  I was that confident that He was leading and I was following His will. 

So now, the test is, although things are discouraging and even feel despairing, will I continue to trust that God is sovereign over this?   That He's GOT IT?  That is my heart’s desire.  Stay tuned because I think the Lord is up to something!