EXPLORATORY SURGERY - Psalm 139:23-24

I was having a meltdown yesterday over a situation in our family that reminded me of a similar one several years ago.  That first time, out of a great sense of frustration, I reacted toward family members in a way that was not at all Christ-like.  I was thinking only of how I was feeling and, until they pointed it out to me later, I’d given no thought, or care, to how anyone else would feel by the actions I would take.  Later, I was embarrassed and shameful that I had reacted that way and so I contacted all the family members, apologizing and asking forgiveness, which they graciously gave.  

I was feeling that same sense of frustration yesterday over the very same kind of situation, and could feel the potential in me to react in the very same, insensitive, uncaring, and unloving way.  My mind was a gerbil wheel of negative reactions to what I perceived as other people's insensitivity.  Realizing the danger of reacting in the same embarrassing way, I immediately contacted prayer partners and was surprised, although I shouldn’t have been given the absolute faithfulness of God, that everything was resolved early on in a wonderful way and all my fretting had been in vain.

Today I was reading Psalm 139:23-24 where David says:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

I wondered whether I could pray that prayer myself because it seems like such a dangerous one! The footnote in my Life Application Bible calls these verses, “Exploratory Surgery”.  

I’ve had a number of surgeries and I know how painful, but necessary, they are.  They root out cancer and diseased organs that are causing pain and remove them.  Even after they’re out, we’re left with the pain of recovery.  I knew how this felt in a spiritual sense when I saw the kind of uncaring actions of which I was capable.  Even after the Lord convicted me of it, the "healing" was still painful because I had to confess it and then ask forgiveness for it.

Hardly anyone would actually sign up for any radical, physical exploratory surgery voluntarily!  But that’s exactly what David asks the Lord to do spiritually in these verses.  

It’s as if David is saying:   

“Do some radical surgery Lord!  You, who know my heart and my thoughts, examine them, lay them bare before you.  Look for the offensive things you find there and remove them!   And then lead me in the way YOU would have me go, the way that leads to everlasting life.”

Have you noticed that the longer you walk with the Lord the more your sin seems to go underground?   

I’m usually careful not to sin outwardly in ways that are inconsistent with the faith in Jesus I profess.  After all, what would other people think of my testimony of faith in Jesus?  I would never want to dishonor the Lord outwardly!  But, just because my sins are kept undercover, doesn’t mean I don’t have them!  It’s not those overt sins, like words that cut people down, or drunkenness, or lying that trip me up!  No, it’s the sin of my heart, the sin of my thoughts, the secret things that no one else knows about but me and the Lord, that need exposure through spiritual exploratory surgery.

That’s what happened yesterday.  I never actually acted on my inner frustration, but there was always the potential.  I remember what a shock it gave me last time that I was capable of such overt selfishness in such a public way!  Although I’m usually careful not to display it, I saw that given free reign, the sin in my heart and mind was right there, ready to reveal itself in my actions, dishonor the Lord, and ruin my testimony.  I never want that to happen again!

So, while I don’t really want to sign up for spiritual exploratory surgery, it’s vitally necessary for me to pray this prayer of David’s.  The sin in my heart, anxiety in my thoughts, and the offensive ways lurking there, need to be brought into the light, confessed and forgiven.  Only then can I follow once again the way that leads to everlasting life. 

I think what the Lord would have me do is to make these my life verses for a time, to invite Him to do some exploratory surgery of the heart and mind.  I’m not especially looking forward to it, but I know I’ll feel better when it’s over.