"One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts." Psalm 145:4
Friday, April 26, 2013
I WENT TO THE ZOO TODAY - AND GOD HAD ALREADY BEEN THERE
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
I'M SORRY MRS. ELWOOD, BUT YOU HAVE CANCER
I wasn’t
satisfied, so I did something I don’t necessarily recommend, but which turned
out to really help. I looked up the term
he gave me on the internet and found that it didn’t just FAVOR a pre-cancerous
condition, it actually WAS a pre-cancerous condition. Now maybe that just sounds like splitting
hairs to you and you’re wondering why I didn’t put that together in my head –
but this was MY body and MY brain trying to absorb the news and I didn’t get it
until I saw it on the internet. After
all the internet is ALWAYS right, right?
J
Armed with
the information, between the time the doctor gave me that news and the time I
had the surgical procedure, I’d had time to accept the fact that I just might
have to have the thing OUT before it became actually cancerous.
During the
procedure biopsies were taken and I was told the results would be in in 3-4
days. Well, they weren’t, and it seems they
never are when we’re waiting for potentially life changing news. So I waited an entire week without
hearing. I lost some sleep, I lost some
peace of mind, and I played some mental ping pong. “No news is good news.”, I told myself,
except when I told myself that not hearing must mean BAD news!
I remember
when the call I had been waiting for finally came. It was the last day of summer camp for my
granddaughter Emma, who was 7 at the time, and we were at this great day camping
place in New York State where there was food and games and Emma could swim with
her friends. I had a great day in the
sun doing some needle work, and chatting with other parents and grandparents,
periodically checking my cell phone, which never rang, just in case THAT day
would be THE day.
Around 3 PM
we boarded the buses to go home and then the calls, which hadn’t reached me
before because we were in the woods, set my phone buzzing like mad! The first message didn’t bode well. It was from the doctor’s nurse telling me to
contact the office immediately for an urgent message. That message was followed by a few other
equally urgent sounding messages from the doctor’s office. I called back right away but by then the
doctor had left and was actually on his way to a vacation in Cape Cod and would
call me himself with the results. More
gut wrenching waiting! It’s the worst,
isn’t it?
I will never
forget that particular weekend in August because for weeks we’d been planning a
long weekend away in Pennsylvania with our daughters, their husbands and our
granddaughter. If this was bad news, and
it obviously was, it could ruin the weekend we had all been anticipating. So, while waiting for the doctor’s call, I
decided that whatever it was, we would not tell the girls until the end of the
weekend. So Jim and I packed up the car
and with dampened spirits, headed out to Pennsylvania.
And then the
phone rang, not even a mile from the house.
I already anticipated the gravity of the diagnosis, but still the words
sent shock waves through me – “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this Mrs.
Elwood, but you have cancer.” I could
see Jim’s face go white as a sheet as he drove and I listened to the rest of
what the doctor had to say. I would need
a hysterectomy as soon as possible but we wouldn’t know the extent of the
cancer until after the surgery.
The doctor
was on vacation but, bless his heart, he had already taken the liberty to
schedule the surgery for that Wednesday, and he would return from Cape Cod for
a person to person consult with him, and pre-surgery testing for Tuesday.
It seems
crazy now, but the first thing I remember feeling was relief that we wouldn’t
have to cancel our plans with the kids. And
then the fear set in. How bad was this
going to turn out to be? Was I facing
the start of end of my life? I could see
the impact of this news on Jim’s face and my heart went out to him. When we stopped for sandwiches to eat on the
way I can remember saying something to him about how we were going to trust the
Lord in this and not give way to fear, all bluster for his benefit, because I
was scared to death!
The start of
the Bible Study Fellowship year was just about a week and a half away and as
the teaching leader, I was responsible for conducting an all day training
session for our class leaders, so I started making phone calls – to the area
advisor who would have to do the workshop for me, to other leaders who would
pray for me, to family members who were waiting with me for the test results.
And then
something happened that can only be explained as a supernatural working of the
Holy Spirit - faith kicked in and with it peace filled me, the kind of peace
that settles like a blanket and immediately calms the heart and mind. I was definitely afraid of all the unknowns
ahead, but at the same time I was suddenly also confident in the Lord. The Lord was with me, He knew this was
happening and He knew the outcome. I
could trust Him, for myself and for my family.
I had
decided that I would say nothing to the family until Monday, our last day in
Pennsylvania and amazingly, the Holy Spirit kept me so completely at peace that
I enjoyed every single minute of our time - in the pool, playing mini golf,
having meals, and spending a day at Hershey Park. Every morning before anyone else was up, I headed
out to a cozy, quiet place in the lobby and spent time reading God’s Word and
praying. Those times with the Lord were amazingly
calming.
On the day
we went to Hershey Park I had a call from the hospital arranging my
pre-operative testing and one of the girls overheard, so I had to tell, a day
before I wanted. And it did change the
remainder of our time together. The fun
was over for them, and fear and anxiety set in.
It’s funny to think back on it now because everyone else was upset while
I was at rest in the grace of God so I was doing the comforting!
The next few
days went by in a blur. The day of the
surgery everyone was with me beforehand.
I would be out for what lay ahead, but they’d spend an anxious time
waiting for the doctor to come with the results. And when he came, they were good. The cancer had not broken through the
abdominal wall, and in the end, I wouldn’t even need chemo or radiation
treatments.
I don’t know
when exactly a specific Scripture struck me, but when it did, it was from the
gospel of John, chapter 11 where it says:
Lazarus, brother of
Jesus’ friends Mary and Martha was sick and the sisters sent for Him saying:
“Lord, the one you love is sick.” When
the servant arrived with the message, Jesus heard it and said: “This sickness will
not end in death. No, it is for God’s
glory, so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”
That’s how I
felt about the cancer that I had and then just as suddenly, didn’t have. God didn’t plan for it to lead to death, but
to glory, His glory, so that Jesus might be glorified through it.
And I hope
He was. I hope that when others marveled
at the incredible peace they saw in me they knew it was Jesus, the Prince of
Peace, pouring out His grace on His child.
One day I will
receive a diagnosis for a sickness that will end in death. On that day, I trust that the grace and peace
of Jesus will be just as evident in and through me, settling my fears with the
comfort of His presence. I hope that on
that day what will be remembered is the love of Jesus for His child and He will
be lifted up and GREATLY glorified.
“I eagerly expect and hope that I
will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as
always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is
gain.” The Apostle Paul, Phillipians 1:20-21
Thursday, February 7, 2013
RETIREMENT - ONE YEAR LATER
A year ago
now I wrote a blog about the difficulty I was having anticipating Jim’s
retirement. Although it seems ridiculous
now, it was no joke a year ago. All I could
think about, completely selfishly, was the impact it was going to have on
ME!
Here’s how
my mind went:
·
Jim
will want to spend all his time with me.
What about seeing my friends?
·
We’ll
be down to one car and I’ll never go anywhere alone again.
·
I’ll
have to give up my freedom to minister wherever and with whomever the Lord
directs me.
·
We’ll
have to pinch pennies.
·
He’ll
be underfoot every day and I’ll lose my independence at home.
I’m
embarrassed now to read all those self centered things! I’m embarrassed that I thought so little
about Jim’s adjustment and so much about my own! How completely and utterly selfish!
I should
have remembered back then one of my own Dot-isms: 95% of the things we worry about never come
to pass!
·
Jim’s
late nights at work never were caused by car accidents, although I ALWAYS
worried that they were.
·
The
test results never were cancer (except once), although I’d lose sleep over EVERY test, always imagining the worst.
·
The
job interview, or the yearly review, was always better than I thought it would
be, although I never thought that would be the outcome.
So why did I
think that retirement would be so confining?
Habit, I guess. One that’s way
past needing to be replaced with TRUST.
Jim is a
great guy and a great husband. Spending more
time with him has been one of the BEST perks of his retirement. We have lunch together, we go to the gym
together (if he didn’t go I’d NEVER go, so this is GOOD), we have regular
Tuesday date nights because now he’s never home late!
We share our
car, but I’m the one using it most. I
still have complete independence, just the way I always did when we had two
cars. We do go more places together but it's actually fun!
Jim has
found plenty to do. He does some
consulting in accounting, he is our church treasurer, he does taxes. He’s free to say yes to serving in the
kitchen for the church’s senior luncheon, for painting the hall ways at church,
and for helping to install new cabinets in the kitchen there. We don't always do things together.
Now we can
stop for lunch when we’re out on an errand, go to a movie in the afternoon, go
on a trip overnight in the middle of the week, spend a week in Florida in
FEBRUARY! I love this retirement thing!
And instead
of having to “give up” ministry, the Lord has expanded ministry horizons for me to
include teens, and that keeps me thinking young!
I wish I could
say, when it comes to worrying about the future, “I’ll never do THAT again!”,
but knowing me, I’ll forget all about that Dot-ism, and have to learn the hard
way that while the future will mean change – the change doesn’t have to be BAD.
It can turn out to be exciting, interesting and always new!
YOU SHALL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME
I love my
life! It’s joyous and satisfying, and I sometimes
have to pinch myself that I get to live it!
Each week I get
to lead middle schoolers through a passage of the Bible and then step back and observe
while they learn to think biblically and apply God’s Word to their everyday
lives. Now and then they also share how
what we learned impacted them in a given week.
It’s awesome to watch the Lord at work in them!
For 12 weeks
this fall and winter I studied faith lessons from the life of Abraham in the
book of Genesis and listened as women volunteered answers and shared what
they were learning as we looked into a passage together. Sometimes they told me later what impact a
lesson had on their marriage, or in their walk with the Lord. How exciting!
I get
to catch a glimpse of what the Lord is doing in the lives of numbers of women
of all ages as the Lord grows them into the godly wives, and mothers, and young
adults He sees them to be, and I think: life just doesn't get any better than this!
I’ve noticed
something recently however. I’ve noticed
that sometimes ministry gets in the way of my own relationship with the
Lord. I find that I get too busy to
pursue Him, too busy to spend much time in prayer, too busy studying in
preparation to teach others, so that in the end, I have no time to spend listening
to what the Lord wants to say to ME.
It makes me wonder,
have I been settling for the good (and it has been better than just good, it
has been GREAT), and missing the Lord’s best?
I don’t
think for a moment that all of these wonderful opportunities to teach and to
serve are things from which the Lord would have me turn away. No, I think He is the One doing the leading, the
One guiding me into these opportunities.
But I think He just might be reminding me that I need to be very careful
not to let the gifts become more valuable and precious than the giver.
In “My
Utmost for His Highest”, for February 6th, Oswald Chambers referred
to Abraham’s near sacrifice of his long awaited son, Isaac. Abraham had been given wonderful promises by
God which were for him and his descendants. The
only problem was that at 75 years of age, Abraham didn’t have any
descendants. The Lord promised him that he would indeed have a son and the promised son finally came, miraculously, 25 years later when Abraham was described as: “as good as dead”.
Since the Lord
had promised Abraham that it was through Isaac that all the promises to him
would be fulfilled, it undoubtedly came as a complete surprise when God asked
Abraham to sacrifice that very son as an offering.
We’re told
in the New Testament book of Hebrews, in chapter 11, that Abraham went ahead with the plan to sacrifice his son, reasoning that
if the Lord had given him this son, and all of the promises made to him were to
come through Isaac, and now the Lord was asking him to sacrifice that son –
then the Lord intended to raise Isaac from the dead. At the very last moment, God stayed his hand and provided a substitute for Abraham's beloved son (foreshadowing God's own sacrifice of His Beloved Son, Jesus, who would die and be resurrected).
Chambers applies
this to his readers in the here and now when he says:
“Are you ready to be poured out as an
offering (the way
Isaac was)? It is an act of your will, not your emotions.
. . . . You must be willing to be placed on the altar and go through the fire;
willing to experience what the altar represents – burning, purification, and
separation for only one purpose – the elimination of every desire and affection
not grounded in or directed toward God. . . . Tell God you are ready to be
poured out as an offering, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever
dreamed He would be.”
For some
reason, reading that made me wonder whether my joyous and satisfying life is
centered more in “affection not grounded
in or directed toward God”.
Has doing ministry
been displacing God from His rightful place in my heart?
That question
comes again to the forefront of my mind:
If everything were stripped away, and I had only the Lord, would HE be
enough? if tomorrow my health should fail, or my life circumstances change - and all I know and love were stripped away -
would my life be as satisfying
and joyful as it is now? Would knowing the Lord and fellowshipping with Him - with nothing else to occupy me - be enough?
Where does my joy and satisfaction rest - in ministry or in the Lord Himself?
I can tell
you I’ll be thinking and praying about this for a while, giving over my other affections, so that nothing gets in the way of God proving "Himself to be all I've ever dreamed He would be."
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
THE GREAT ADVENTURE OF WALKING WITH JESUS!
A couple of
years ago I became friends with a lovely Peruvian lady who works at a local
diner bussing tables. I took 3 years of
Spanish in high school more than 40 years ago now. I was not very fluent in the language then,
so as you can imagine, I’m even LESS fluent now. Martha speaks almost no English as well, yet
somehow, we manage to “converse” about children, grandchildren and the
weather. That friendship made me think
that it would be so helpful to learn to teach English as a second language so
that Martha and others like her might better adjust to their new culture and
navigate more easily.
With our
close proximity to New York City where many men work, our county draws people
from all over the world. The street we
live on is a cul de sac on both sides and the population occupying the homes represents
people from all over the world! We have
Asians – Koreans, Chinese, and Japanese.
We have East Indians. We have Philippinos,
Malaysians, Egyptians – all of them first generation – and their children, some
of them American born. And then we have
us - second, third and beyond European types but we are quickly becoming the
minority! We don’t have to travel far
these days to hear other languages and experience another culture – and I love
it!
After meeting
Martha one of the desires the Lord put in my heart was to get some kind of
training in ESL (English As A Second Language).
It wasn’t long after that I notice a flyer at our library offering
free training and I was very excited! The
down side was that the training was offered at a time when I was not free.
The next year
it was advertised again and my excitement was renewed, however, I discovered
that with the training came a commitment to participate in the library’s ESL
program for a year, meeting once a week for an hour and a half with your
student. That year I was doing a number
of other ministry related things at church and was afraid I wouldn’t be able to
fulfill the commitment, so I had to let the opportunity go.
Then finally
this fall everything came together. The
class was offered at a time I was free and I thought I could fit the year long
one and half hour sessions into my schedule, so I signed up. I met with about 20 others for 8 hours total of training,
which was interesting, informative and challenging.
The
librarian trainers told us that most of the people who are interested in ESL
tutoring are beginners. Although I’m a
trained teacher, all of my teaching was with young children. That lack of experience teaching advanced
grammar concepts, combined with the many years since I’d actually studied
English grammar, made me anxious about teaching anything but a beginner. So I breathed a sigh of relief.
And then I
received information about the young woman I’d be teaching – she was described
as intermediate. I immediately began to
kick myself for not paying better attention in class when they gave some
suggestions for teaching intermediate students!
In her e mail of information about my student, the librarian said that
if I thought for any reason the match wouldn’t work, I could request someone
else.
I have to
admit, my initial thought was, “yes”! I
thought I was getting a beginner, I’d never done this before. What would I do with someone who might
actually need help in advanced grammar???
And then I
stopped whining and complaining, and faith kicked in. I knew the Lord had been leading me to do
this for some time. I hadn’t requested
any particular level of student because I had prayed for the Lord to do the
matching, so now I had to walk by faith that this student was HIS student. So I said yes and made arrangements to meet
Eri.
Eri is a
lovely young Japanese woman (whose name is actually pronounced Eddie) and has
been living in the states for some time.
She’s the mother of two young children and her husband works in New York
City. In her former life, before kids,
she was a dietician in Japan, so she’s well educated as well as sweet and
smiling and polite. And her grammar is
excellent! Whew! What a blessing!
In those
first conversations back in the fall when we were still finding out about each
other, Eri told me that she and her husband had been living in Idaho (yes,
there apparently really are people living in Idaho – although I have never met
anyone else from there – sorry you Idahoians!) while Kaz went to school. There they were befriended by Kaz’s ESL
teacher – a woman who, along with her husband, had been missionaries in Japan
for 19 years and who had a ministry to international students!
I heard
“missionaries” and my heart did a flip!
That was the confirmation I needed that being paired with Eri was not a
chance encounter. It was a divine
encounter, orchestrated by God to bring her and me together.
At some
point I mentioned something about my church and Eri told me that they attended
a Christian church in our town. When I
asked if she was a Christian, she said, “We’re learning”. I was already impressed that this young
couple had sought to continue to learn about what it means to be a Christian by
venturing out on their own here in New Jersey to become part of a Christian fellowship. That takes courage!
So Eri and I
are new friends, but we are more than that, because the Spirit of the Lord is
moving in both our hearts, drawing us together and blessing us in ways neither
of us imagined, and in ways we’ve yet to see.
Following
Jesus is an adventure – an adventure that has taken me to exciting places I didn’t plan to go and
never would have dreamed. His plan for
us is so much bigger and better than anything we could dream for
ourselves.
And what
could be better than encouraging someone seeking to know Him so that one day they
too will walk with Him. And I didn’t
have to go to Japan to do it!
Want to live
more than just a ho-hum Christian life? Then
“delight in the Lord” and let Him put HIS desires in your heart, and get ready.
. . . adventure will surely follow!
All you have to do is say, “Yes, Lord, lead
the way. I’m right behind you!”
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