Last spring,
we found a church and for the last year have been attending and serving there. Once we began attending, in an effort to get
to know some other women while also studying God’s Word, I joined the summer
Bible study. At the end of the summer
study, knowing something of my Bible Study Fellowship background, the leader
asked me if I would be willing to facilitate a small discussion group for the
fall study. I said yes, served all through
the fall study, and did so again through the winter/spring study.
In March, a
small group of us began planning for this year’s summer study. Then in mid-April I had a surprise phone
call. The woman who had been leading and
administrating the Bible study was stepping down as the leader and she asked if
I would replace her. I did not see this
coming and I was immediately thrown.
Many times, out
of great fear and trembling over the 40 or so years since the Lord called me
into relationship with Himself, I followed His leading into this very kind of
leadership. The women who serve on the
Women’s Ministry Team were thrilled and encouraged me to do it. But everything in me was screaming, “I don’t
want to do this!”
Some of my
reluctance was the result of the suddenness.
We’ve only been at this church a year.
I don’t know many women and they don’t know me. Who was I to be leading this?
Then there
is my age - I’m 70 this year. I’ve
barely had any time to figure out what the Lord has in mind for these “winter
of my life” years, and now I have to decide if this is it. The fear, anxiety and uncertainty that plagued
me over the weeks that followed took me as much by surprise as the request! I lost sleep, my stomach churned, I
complained to anyone who would listen.
In my
confusion and resistance, I asked the Lord to speak to me from His Word, for
affirmation of His will. Nothing, . . .
. . or so I thought.
Finally,
because the start of the summer study was looming and there was no one else to
do it, I forced myself to sit down and begin organizing the material so that I
could lead my group – even though everything in me was still churning and resisting. That became the turning point. Once I began, I realized that I could do what
I was being asked to do and immediately I stopped resisting.
It was only
this week, as the other members of the Bible Study Team met for the first time,
and began going over the first chapter of our study, that I noticed two things
that opened my eyes. The first was a
Scripture within the study itself.
In the study
book, “Open Your Bible”, one of the authors tells a story of her grandmother
who was struggling with cancer. She said
her grandmother was comforted by the words Jesus spoke about 10 lepers from Luke
17. The lepers had called out to Jesus, asking
Him for pity and while they don’t directly ask for healing, Jesus sees the need
and acts. All He said was, “’Go and show
yourselves to the priest”. This was the
Old Testament requirement for proof of healing.
Show yourself to the priest and if he declared you healed, you could
reenter society.
After Jesus speaks to them, this is what we
read: “AS THEY WENT they were healed”.
The reason the author’s grandmother was comforted related to her
illness, but for me, it was an explanation of why my battle of resistance, once
I actually tackled the lesson, was finally over. AS I BEGAN, I WAS HEALED OF MY FEAR AND
ANXIETY. That was the Lord’s
confirmation of His will for me. It was
as if He said, “Just do what I’ve set before you, Dot, and AS you do, I’ll calm
your fear and meet every one of your needs.”
And oh my,
has He! We had an awesome leader’s
meeting during which we all felt better equipped for the start of our study
next week! And I was confident IN THE
LORD, and not thinking of myself! What
sweet peace!
The other
insight came through the leadership training exercise I planned for us when we
met. Using the first chapter of the
book, “Spiritual Leadership”, by J. Oswald Sanders, we talked about what
servant leadership looks like – in our attitudes toward what the Lord has
called us to do, in our relationship as team members, in our relationship with
the women and children the Lord will bring.
Servant leadership is all about the Lord and others.
Part of the
reason why I was so strongly resisting the role I was asked to do is because my
thoughts were squarely focused on ME! I
didn’t want the responsibility! I was
too new to the church and no one would take me seriously! I didn’t want to be a leader! Me, me, me. . . . . that’s all I was thinking
about. Never once, until I began preparing
the leadership training, did it occur to me that I was busy resisting because I
was only thinking of me and what I did and didn’t want, and not at all thinking
of the Lord and what He might want, or the needs of the women (leadership and
class members) He had called me to serve!
Once I
stopped to think about what the Lord might want, I could see that maybe He had
actually brought me to the church “for such a time as this”, so that He might
use the gifts and experience He has given me to begin building a structured system
that would include, not just Bible study, but the training of leaders as well,
so that others might be equipped to carry on after us.
I don’t
always understand why I go through these crises of faith, but I know this time I
needed a reality check. In the “winter
of my years”, what DO I want to be doing?
There are so many choices! There
are an abundance of interesting clubs in my community, and a wonderful
pool. Then there is travel, so may
options, all of them fun and exciting – and not BAD! My life includes a bit of each of them. However, what I really want to do is be in
the place the Lord has for me, using the gifts and experiences He has given me –
not for temporary pleasures – but for that which lasts. Serving the Lord and others for the good of
the Kingdom are things I can do which will live beyond my life, long after I
have gone home to heaven.
I’m so
grateful to the Lord for His long suffering nature! If I had been Him I would have given up on me
a long time ago! But, His mercy is new every
morning, His love is unfailing, and His grace is lavish.
Psalm
115:1 “Not to us, not to us, O Lord, but to You,
for Your great love and faithfulness!”
