BE ANXIOUS FOR NOTHING!

So, we’re finally here!  We’ve been here many times before, as vacationers, but now Florida is our HOME!  And I’m just loving the sense that Jim and I are on a grand adventure!

Every day reminds me of what a great partnership Jim and I have.  We enjoy puttering together – him with outdoor projects, me with indoor ones.  We’ve been to the library, local stores, the post office, companionably doing what needs doing.  And during the warm afternoons we go our separate ways to read, or swim (I like this, he’s not keen), or sit outside and work on the computer (he likes this, I think it’s WAY too hot!).  This morning we each tried out a Bible study at a local church, he to the men’s class, I to the women’s.  We are loving being together.

I’ve noticed though that in the last week my sleeping life has been filled with anxious dreams.  I don’t really believe that my dreams “speak”, but I sure do dream vividly.  This week I dreamed that I was supposed to give a Bible Study Fellowship lecture to a huge class of women, plus the Area Advisor, and I hadn’t prepared it.  Then there was the dream in which a special needs child was not picked up by her parents because of a fire, so I, as the teacher in charge, decided I’d drive her home.  In my dream, I unfolded a map and checked to see how far from school she lived.  It was like an hour away, so then I thought maybe she should stay with me overnight.  Crazy, right?

Thinking back on these unforgettable dreams, I realized that they were the result of anxiety in my real life.  But life has been so calm.  I have few activities to distract me from spending time studying my Bible and praying for others.  I’m swimming in the afternoons, and reading.  What do I have to be anxious about, I thought?

So, in the hope of getting some insight, I shared my anxiety with my daughter, Becky.  She is NOT a therapist, but I’m sure she’d be great playing one on TV!  She is very wise and insightful for a 35 year old.  And she reminded me that I had only just recently left behind all that is familiar.  Family, friends, my church.  She also pointed out that while we are indeed in Florida, this part of Florida is our temporary home.  At the end of the winter, or early spring, we plan to make another move, three hours north, to be closer to her, and to be in Orlando where there’s more to do.  So I’m not as likely to be able to get involved with people or a church, or they with me, when we know it will be short term.  She’s right, of course.

So, I’ll look upon this period of life as a gift from the Lord, and ask, “What would You have me be about for the next several months until You move us on?”  

I’d hate to miss this particular part of the adventure being anxious.  God’s got this!

AND THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE

During a table discussion in the Bible study I attended in New Jersey, one of the older ladies asked me the question, “Were you ever poor?”  I don’t remember what I had said to prompt her question, but the manner in which she asked it led me to believe I had said something very insensitive about the poor.  She remembered being poor and my words hurt her.

I was born in the late 1940s to parents who never went to high school.  My mom was just 19 when I was born.  We lived in cold water flats, heated by kerosene.  When we turned the lights out at night the place was alive with mice.  I didn’t think we were poor, but I guess we were, however, that lowly beginning didn’t develop in me a sensitivity to those who are.

I was the first in my family not only to finish high school, but to get a college degree.  Some members of the family were quick to tell my parents what a waste it was to educate a daughter when she was “just going to grow up and have babies.”  I’m glad they didn’t listen!

After we married, Jim and I spent the majority of our years living in one of the most affluent towns in New Jersey.  We weren’t the “Joneses”, but we were comfortable.  Everyone we knew went to college.  Everyone in our neighborhood drove nice cars, had nice homes, graduated their kids from our excellent school system and sent them on to good colleges.  

Here in Florida we live in a beautifully kept enclave in an economically depressed area.  A two-minute walk from our condo is a strip mall with a dollar store, a Reno gambling parlor, and a pool hall.  I feel a little uneasy walking over there, especially at night.  I think it’s safe, but it’s an environment I’m not used to and would usually avoid.

Since we’ve been here I’ve noticed a lot.  The people we make fun of in those Facebook photos from Walmart really do exist.  I’ve seen many women still in their teens, or just out of them, pushing carts with small children.  I notice many people reeking with the scent of too many cigarettes smoked.  I’ve noticed the evidence of a lack of dental care.  And too much fast food.  

I’ve noticed something else too.  I’ve noticed that my first reaction is criticism, a lack of love, and self-righteousness.  I’ve noticed that on a “how much do I care” scale of 1-10, I’m down at the low end.  And I’m ashamed.

So I’m thinking that is why He, who knows the true state of my heart at any given time, led me to begin reading 1 John even before I came here.  These are the words the Lord is using to shine His light into the darkness of my heart:

By this we know love, because Jesus laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.  But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in Him?

Everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so love us, we also ought to love one another.

How sad it is to see IN MYSELF a heart that shuts itself up against those not like me.

I’ve heard pastors who preach on the words and teachings of Jesus in the gospel, point out that when Jesus says, “Truly, truly I say unto you”, He uses “truly” twice to emphasize the importance of His point.  So, when the Lord says something to me TWICE from different sources, I listen!

This Sunday the pastor of the church we attended began a sermon series – get ready for it – on 1 Corinthians 13 – typically thought of as the love chapter!  I feel a lesson coming!

The pastor’s theme was, “Love IS before love DOES”.  That alone went straight to my heart.  How can I TREAT others who are not like me lovingly, unless I love them the way God does?  It’s a heart issue.

The pastor went on to talk about all the gifts that were evident in the Corinthian church – miracles, teaching, preaching, tongues – and they were so proud of their giftedness.  However, with all their gifts, they lacked what Paul described as the “most excellent way”, the way of love.  The way of love, Paul says, is long suffering, kind, not envious, not proud, not rude, not self centered, not easily provoked.  It thinks no evil, it doesn’t rejoice in wrong, but rejoices in the truth, it bears all things, believes all things, hopes in all things and endures all things.

The pastor asked the question: “How do I know that the character of Jesus is being worked in me?”  His answer: I am becoming less critical and more loving.

Moving here is opening my physical and spiritual eyes to the things that have always existed, but to which I was blind.  But before I can respond with love, I need for Jesus to break my heart with the things that break His.   

I know I haven't heard God's last on the subject.

AND THE ADVENTURE BEGINS - FOR REAL!!!

It finally happened.  After weeks of living in a three bedroom house with just one bed, two TV trays, and two folding chairs, we gave up that luxurious lifestyle in New Jersey, closed on our house, and relocated to Florida.  The last few weeks, time hung heavily, and we couldn’t wait to move.  It seemed as if it would never come, and now it has.

Goodbyes were hard.  In the weeks before we left I had many breakfast, lunch and coffee dates with treasured friends, most of whom I will probably not see again this side of heaven.  We had meals with each of Jim’s brothers and their wives and those goodbyes were bittersweet as well.  Then, before we left for Florida we spent the night with my brother and his wife – another sad goodbye.  

One of the hardest was saying goodbye to our church family.  We were honored to have them pray for us at the end of the service, then at the annual picnic that followed we shared hugs, tears, photos, and words of love and encouragement together with so many we have loved, and who have loved us.  It was a wonderful and exhausting day. 

We don’t yet have a church home in Florida.  I know that will leave a huge hole in our lives until we find it.  I’ve been asking the Lord to lead us to one where we can love and serve the way we loved and served at Montvale Evangelical Free Church in New Jersey.  It was hard to leave!

I woke up the morning after the picnic feeling down and sad.  For some reason, until one of my daughters mentioned it, it never occurred to me that I was sad for a reason!  I’d just said goodbye to dozens and dozens of people who have formed the framework of my life in New Jersey for so long.  I don’t think the full realization of the loss has hit me and probably won’t for a while, and even then, when I think I’m over it, the sadness will probably continue to come now and then, taking me by surprise.

We took the auto train to Florida.  This morning at breakfast we sat with a lovely couple from New York State who live in Florida for half the year.  As we chatted together I found myself focusing on the other side of moving – the GRAND ADVENTURE side!  The husband had worked as an engineer who traveled all over the world for his job, which sounded pretty exciting.  Since retiring to Florida, he started taking painting lessons and found that he was good at it!  One of his oil paintings recently took second place in a juried show.  That conversation got my creative juices flowing in contemplation of things I could learn for the first time – like a second language, or playing an instrument!  

They were not volunteers, but Jim and I are.  We have already volunteered for an experimental farm, called ECHO, near where we live in Fort Myers, and we’ll continue to do that. When we move to Orlando early next year we hope to volunteer with Wycliffe Bible Translators, which is based there.  Can’t wait!

When we get off the train in a couple of hours, we’ll reunite with our daughter Becky, and son in law, Nathan, whom we haven’t seen since June.  And maybe we’ll even visit our granddaughter, who started her first year of college in Orlando, before we drive south to our condo.  That makes me VERY happy!

Today at least, the adventure that lies before us far outweighs the sadness that lies behind.  The one undercurrent that remains constant is my deep felt gratitude to the Lord for all of the blessings He bestowed on us in New Jersey.  

Through good times and bad times, He has been faithful to bless us with His sweet presence, mercy and grace, reminding us that He is with us, that He loves us, and that He promised to cause “all things to work together for good to those who love Him”, and He has.  

And I’m thankful for all that lies ahead.  I know that there will be good times and bad times.  And I know that we can count on the Lord to carry us through them here in Florida just as He carried us through them in New Jersey.  

Unlike Abraham, we are setting out knowing where we’re going – destination wise at least – but like him, we don’t know what the journey will hold.  I know enough about the Lord however, to know that it will be, "immeasurably beyond all that I can ask or even imagine"!  

Let the adventure truly begin!