I have been
going through an unusually long period of spiritual dryness. I’ve looked back with longing on the days of
long walks in the nearby cemetery communing with the Lord. I long for the days when my times of prayer
and wonderful intimacy with Him could go on for hours.
I could give
reasons for this dry spell. Living with extended family and a retired husband
doesn’t allow for all the solitude I once had. Going to the gym takes away the
desire for those long prayer walks. I
could give other reasons too, like the disappointment of prayers unanswered, but they’re really just excuses. How easy it is for me to allow other things
to get in the way of my relationship with Jesus. How easily I slip into spiritual lethargy and
laziness. You’d think I’d have learned a
thing or two along the way in my walk with Jesus.
Last year I had
set a goal for myself to read through some of the Bible books I hadn’t read in
a while. Last month I began reading
Hosea devotionally. It’s a very sobering
book that speaks of God’s coming judgment on Israel. But it is also full of God’s promises that
when they have turned again to Him in repentance, there would be
restoration. While I enjoyed reading a book I hadn't read in a while, I began to wonder if it
might be wise to spend some time in the Psalms as well, since they always have
a way of lifting my eyes up to the greatness of God.
This morning
I was reading Psalm 13. I love David’s
psalms because they so often express exactly what I’m feeling at the time I read
them. Thank You for this, Holy Spirit.
David began
lamenting the seeming distance of the Lord at a time when his enemies seem to
have the upper hand over him. He says:
“How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from
me? How long shall I take counsel in my
soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?”
When I’m in
a dry spiritual state, God does seem hidden and far away. By faith, I know He’s there, yet He seems elusive,
difficult to grab hold of. When I’m in
this state, it seems as if my spiritual “enemy”, Satan, has the upper
hand. My cup is half full, joy is
absent.
Maybe you
feel that way too. You might have real
life issues that go on and on – relationships, illness, loneliness, brokenness,
sin that has you in its grip and won’t let go.
Maybe you feel forgotten by God.
David did.
David didn’t
end his prayer with lamenting. He
brought God his requests:
“Consider and hear me,
O Lord my God; Enlighten my eyes, Lest I sleep the sleep of death; lest my
enemy say, “I have prevailed against him”; Lest those who trouble me rejoice
when I am moved.”
How often
when I am in this place, I simply get stuck there, like a gerbil on a wheel, going
over and over all the things that bother me.
Instead of calling out to God, I ruminate on all that causes me pain, all
the ways in which the Lord is not answering my most pressing prayers.
The best part of David's prayers are the way he ends them. As he does in so many of the
psalms, he ends with confident faith:
“But I have trusted in
Your mercy, my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord because He has dealt
bountifully with me.”
This is what
I needed to do this morning. I needed to focus on the LORD and not my spiritual state, not the things that burden me. He has been so merciful to me, forgiven my
sin and saved me. He has blessed me with
eternal life and a relationship with Himself that is real, intimate and
personal. Now THAT is something to
rejoice over with singing!
I finished my quiet time this morning making a list of all the ways in which the Lord has dealt bountifully with me - and there were so many! My heart is cheered today with thankfulness for all His goodness to me.
But that
wasn’t all. I read today’s devotional
reading from Oswald Chamber’s book, “My Utmost for His Highest” and in it he
said this:
“We should never bear
the burden of sin and doubt, but there are some burdens placed on us by God which
He does not intend to lift off. God
wants us to roll them back on Him.
If we will only roll
back on God the burdens He has placed on us, He will take away that immense
feeling of responsibility, replacing it with an awareness and understanding of
Himself and His presence.
‘Cast your burden
on the Lord’ ... You
have been bearing it all, but you need to deliberately place one end on God’s
shoulder.”
The Lord reminded me this morning that the burdens I have, the prayers I long to have
answered by God – like the enemy David faced – these are not mine to
carry. I cannot DO a single thing to
change them, but I can role the burden over on the Lord, confident that He CAN
affect change, and I can pray and thank Him for His bounty. I can thank Him that He IS in control. And in turn, He will "replace (my dryness, my burdensome concerns) with an
awareness and understanding of Himself and His presence".
How I needed to hear these things today.
